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From: "sarah gibbons" <nakedultimate@hotmail.com>
To: britdisc@csv.warwick.ac.uk
Subject: Tough on drugs, tough on the causes of drugs
Date: Mon, 05 Mar 2001 09:49:08 -0000
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Tough on Drugs, Tough on the causes of Drugs!
BUF secretary Ben Ravilious unveiled his tough new stance  on drug abuse
within the ultimate community today. At a press conference held at his local
shop in Leicester, Mr Ravilious claimed that he was prepared to take
"draconian  measures" against any athletes who wilfully "bring the game into
disrepute."

"Quite frankly, some of these things that ultimate players get up to at
tournaments is outrageous! I once saw a player leaving an off-licence with
four whole cans of Stella! This is a serious sport for serious people, we'll
have no trouble!" Mr Ravilious exclaimed, before resuming his online game of
Connect-4 with his Peruvian penpal.

Some of the more radical members of the community are shocked by the BUF
hardman's tough stance. "It's an open cry of fascism," decried one anonymous
protestor, from an unknown location in Nottingham. "Who the f*ck to the BUF
think they f**king are? Ann F**cking Widdecombe?"

The Society for the Promotion of Naked Ultimate also expressed some
concerns. In an official statement to the press, a representative stated
that while they had no problems with certain restrictions on prizes, they
had reservations about some of the more broad-reaching measures. "Indeed,
last year, at a tournament we hosted, we were going to present each team
with a king-size dildo. But after careful consideration, we realised that we
might offend the highly active ultimate-playing Eunuch community, and some
of britain's male players with deeper psychological insecurities."

The restrictions imposed upon any game of naked ultimate by a British
citizen are explicit. All nude players are now required apply for a permit
6 months before the game takes place. Permits will not be granted to anyone
with a criminal record or with an unduly large member (size to be decided by
two-thirds majority of a committee of Druid players with no less than 20
years playing experience each) Similar limitations are to be applied to
anyone wishing to roll a spliff in a discraft 175.

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