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From: "nads" <64026159@mmu.ac.uk>
Organization: Manchester Metropolitan University (MANSTU-IBU)
To: britdisc@csv.warwick.ac.uk
Date: Mon, 8 Dec 1997 09:12:45 GMT0BST
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Subject: (Fwd) On the first day of xmas......
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------- Forwarded Message Follows -------
From: "Rezina Chowdhury" <R.Chowdury@nopres.co.uk>
Organization: Consumer Market Research
To: Ash.battoo@prudential.co.uk, rk34392@ggr.co.uk, 101677.1147@compuserve.com,
Gordon@gordon1.demon.co.uk, JKhan@fdstaxpoint.co.uk,
x.leslie.richards@mcps.co.uk, mghattau@lhr-co.gb.dhl.com,
64026159@mmu.ac.uk, r.choudhury@umds.ac.uk, joarder@cardiff.ac.uk,
Susan.stephens@mori.com, khant@bp.com
Date: Fri, 5 Dec 1997 11:47:19 +0000
Subject: On the first day of xmas......
Priority: normal
Here's a little xmas chuckle to get you all into the xmas spirit!
December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in
a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more
surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Agnes
--------------------------------------
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two
turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift.
They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes
------------------
December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't
deserve such generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling
but I must insist.... you're just too kind.
Love Agnes
---------
December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They
are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being
too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes
---------------------
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings.
One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on
my nerves.
All my love, Agnes
------------------
December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on
my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those
geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are
complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
Cordially, Agnes
----------------
December 20th
John:
What's with you and those fucking birds???? Seven swans
a-swimming. What kind of goddam joke is this? There's bird shit
all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous
wreck and I can't sleep all night. IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop
with those fucking birds.
Sincerely, Agnes
----------------
December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with
eight maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and
eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their own goddam
cows. There is shit all over the lawn and I can't move into my
own house. Just lay off me. SMART ASS.
Ag
----------------
December 22nd
Hey Shithead:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers
playing. And Christ - do they play. They never stopped chasing
those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are
upset are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder
they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a
petition to evict me. You'll get yours.
>From Ag
----------------
December 23rd
You Rotten Prick:
Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call those
sluts ladies. They've been balling those nine pipers all night
long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My
living room is a river of shit. The commisioner of buildings has subpoenaed
me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sticking
the police on you.
One who means it, Ag
--------------------
December 24th
Listen Fuckhead:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and
aforementioned "ladies"? Some of those broads will never walk
again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been commiting
sodomy with the cows. All 234 of the birds are dead. They have
been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you
rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister
--------------------------------------
December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spredar, and Baegar)
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of tweleve fiddlers
fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss
Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All
correspondence should come to our attention. If you should
attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the
attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this
letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
==========================================================
merry christmas..
..nads...(small chick in the north and not the team)
==========================================================